Years ago, there were ongoing battles of words in some famous newspaper advice columns about the correctness of doing things. It seems that some people didn’t know how to properly set a table, or how
to use a fork. Others could not decide whether it was necessary to acknowledge a gift with a thank you note, or if one could properly wear white shoes after Labour Day.

These columns were read religiously by my parents, and everyone else in my neighbourhood, and the social mores and the rules of proper etiquette and decorum were firmly implanted in the minds of the
children. We were taught what was right and wrong and many of us had the sore knuckles to prove it. As we grew into young adults we too began to read these columns and were astonished that the simple rules of etiquette were still being discussed. How could these simple truths of courtesy be possibly controversial?

As an adult, I tried to make a point of teaching my own children about the simple rules of life, and was always pleased when they acquiesced to my will and did as they were told. I was proud of their ability to eat and behave in public, and was satisfied that they were well prepared for their future.

It was a disappointing surprise then to learn that my grandchildren did not know how to properly replace a spent toilet paper roll. What happened? Did reason skip a generation?

This issue was discussed at length in those old advice columns and I foolishly assumed that everyone in the world knew what was proper. I was wrong and I was disappointed.

Like that character in the old Ally McBeal sitcom, I liked my toilet bowl
fresh, and I liked my toilet paper properly hung. I like to be able to tap the top of the roll gently and have it roll just enough to produce the correct number of squares. A quick snap and wrap, and the paper was ready for whatever use was intended. It was a simple one handed operation.

Far too often lately, I began to discover that the toilet roll had been put on backwards, with the leading edge hanging to the back of the roll, against the wall, instead of to the front. As everyone must know, this backward configuration requires the user to grasp the roll with both hands , one to unwrap the roll and the other to snap off the paper. Invariably, one gets too much or too little paper and has to start again. Such a waste.

No matter how many times I tried to explain this to my grandchildren, I was met with polite and hopeful “OK Granddads” but unmistakeable blank stares. Even their parents didn’t seem to get it, and I’m sure I overheard the words “getting loony” in the other room. I wondered
where I went wrong.

Solving puzzles has been a long time interest of mine and I finally found a way to teach my family how to hang a toilet roll properly. I call it the Holiday Inn solution.

In our house it is now the rule, that everyone who uses toilet paper must fold the leading edge of the roll into a ‘vee’ with the point facing downwards on the front side of the roll.

This is the same thing they do at the Holiday Inn and other fine establishments, so why not show the same courtesy to others in your own home?

I’ve taught all the children and grandchildren this new rule, and they all follow it faithfully. They know that I check this regularly, and I am happy once again.

On occasion I can still distinguish the words “getting loony” from the other room, but I know that I’ve taught a valuable life skill to my heirs. I can also determine when a stranger has been using our washroom.